Half-effort

When I think about things I wonder if I am giving it my all. Recently, I don’t think I am. I go to bed earlier hoping that all my problems will be resolved by then.  In sophomore year, I used to get up early and pull all-nighters to get all my work together. This year, however, I am far from that. I adopted a relaxed attitude and less stressed mentality. I sort have allowed my situation to make itself. I don’t bother as much to try. I do try occasionally because I care. I wonder if that 4.0 GPA was worth it. If I can turn back time and change my courses to make my life much easier and to attain that perfect GPA. Because I know that grades aren’t everything. They do have an effect of what direction in life you head towards. Maybe it really isn’t about grades, but rather effort. I need to get back to the grind of things and start pushing myself. I think I am allowing myself to succumb to mediocrity, but I want to be beyond mediocrity. I don’t want to live in average peoples’ expectations. I have high goals in my life and should be actively pursuing it. I need to stop with the half-ass mentality that I picked up from my zombie classmates. They don’t see the future as clearly. I don’t want to be like them by threading through murky waters and taking the risk of not trying their best. That itself can be a disaster. Life gives you what you reap and sow; I don’t want to sow laziness and get mediocrity.  I want to change that on senior year. I know it is not too late to start trying again. I need a clean slate and I plan to do a lot with the second chance I get. I won’t be wasting my life by passively sitting back and watching. I will do something.

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